Saturday, March 5, 2011

Letting go–moving on

Today is a day to put my thoughts down in writing. My Hughes satellite modem has bit the dust & we either go into town to a library or grow more gray hair using dial-up. It’s going to be 9 more days before a serviceman can get to us! I’ve invented a few new 4-letter words.

We’ve spent this long, cold, snowy winter emotionally letting go of our house, property, and “stuff” because we really want to be “somewhere else”, doing something else, seeing other sights.

In 1986, along with my ex-husband, I designed my house to be compact but full of light and open to the surrounding wooded acreage I always wanted, living quietly and privately amongst the trees and nature. I never minded the bare trees and brown ground even in the winter until the past couple of years. I used to look forward to snow even though it meant having difficulty getting up our snow-covered lane in my car after work. This was my haven away from the craziness of the world where I could “reflect” on life and return to some level of sane balance.

Somewhere after reaching age 60, loosing my job of 12 years, surviving breast cancer treatments, and now working a part-time job from home, those things that used to make me happy and content don’t seem to matter anymore. Maybe it’s just getting off the work-every-day treadmill, away from the stress of the job and co-workers that has changed my feelings. Maybe those physical things that used to make me feel safe and secure aren’t enough anymore or just no longer needed.

At any rate, we plan to sell off all the things we’ve accumulated during our lifetime that we no longer want or need. I’m looking forward to the freedom of not being bogged down and overloaded with all the stuff that is no longer important. Jeff is an old truck driver and wants to have the time to see for himself and to share with me all the fantastic places he never had time to stop to see before. We want to escape in our Casita with Kira and a couple of cats to travel the US, visit family, meet new people, and experience new places.

I will always have my memories of my house regardless of where I call home, and I have family still in the small rural town where I grew up to always have a place to call home. The hard part is not the leaving, but getting rid of the stuff just to be able to leave. That’s the overwhelming part that I’m still trying to get started on. I know this is a new, totally different chapter in my life, and I’m impatient to get on with it.

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